My friend Nick is sending me a series of email about this book he read, Heal Your Wounds and Find Your True Self, you can find the article on the first wound here.
Recently a friend read Heal Your Wounds and Find Your True Self: Finally A Book That Explains Why It’s So Hard Being Yourself also by Lise Bourbeau. She read this in french & gave me a summarized translation. I found it very interesting, I thought you might find it interesting as well. Also by the author is Your Body’s Telling You: Love Yourself!: The most complete book on metaphysical causes of illnesses & diseases by Lise Bourbeau
There are 5 wounds and we suffer from each one of them in varying degrees. Some of the descriptions may fit and others not because of the uniqueness of each one of us.
Hope you get something out of it.
Love
Nick
ABANDONMENT
(physical characteristics = thin & droopy, lack of firmness, downturned eyes, bad& sulky posture)
reaction = being dependent
this wound is more related to ‘having’ than ‘being’(rejection is a ‘being’ wound)
In many cases, it happens when parents are frequently absent because of work, or if the child is taken care of by grand parents
People who suffer from abondonment wound also suffer from rejection.
This wound is the next to surface when the rejected child seeks comfort from the opposite-sex parent, and feels like this parent is has not provided the healing comfort needed from the rejection.
Abandonment is therefore triggered by the opposite-sex parent relationship.
The dependent feels like he/she was not provided enough love to stand up on his/her own.
As this person feels like he is unable to do anything on his/her own, his muscles tend to be underdeveloped, weak.
The dependent feels like he needs other people’s help to accomplish things. He/she seeks support (that’s why the body and the back especially are weak).
This person is the most inclined to playing ‘victim’ in his/her life in order to get the most attention/support possible (it’s subconcious, of course).
He/ She will create a lot of difficulties in his/her life in order to get help, support, & attention that he/she thinks she deserves from others (health problems are the most common). Drama queen. Feeling abandonned is worse to the person than having a difficult life. This person would rather attract many problems than having a easy life.
This person will also try to ’save’ others or do alot for others in order to get recognition, compliments & attention. Since that’s a lot of doing to do, this person often has back problems. (carries a lot on his/her back).
The dependent can seem lazy as he/she will avoid working when alone. works better when others are around (to get support).
When he/she does an activity with other people and it ends, this person will feel a lost of support or feel abandonned (wishes it didn’t end).
He/she will ask for help/ advice and not follow thru because want he really wanted was support and not help.
Believes that if he can take care of himself, he will be left alone, in isolation & feel lonely.
Reluctant to leaving places; because he feels he’s abondonning the place & its people.
The dependent feels sad when alone, doesn’t know why, and so constantly seeks other’s presence.
When mad at a person whom he /she believes is not providing support, the dependent will go into isolation, triggering sadness. In some cases, he/she will then threaten to commit suicide (a way to seek support).
Dependents cry frequently, and in their crying, one can feel the blame & resentment toward other people for having been abondoned .
Dependents hold on to other people; in a couple, they will tend to lean on the other person or touch them frequently.
The dependent will commonly transfer his unmet needs onto a therapist.
Dependents thinks they are responsible for other’s happiness and vice versa. Because of this belief, they take on other peoples’ needs, and don’t see themselves as separate people (merging with others). This often causes the condition of agoraphobia.
Agoraphobes, fear to lose control. Typically, these people feel very responsible for their mother’s happiness.
Dependent people enjoy telling other people how independent they are.
In a couple, the dependent man won’t want a child because “he wants to keep his independence”.In reality, he doesn’t want to loose his wife’s attention. The wife, doesn’t want a child because she doesn’t want to feel smothered by the child’s caring needs.
Dependents have high sex drives (need physical attention).
Solution: make a mental picture of something that brings you support (like leaning against a wall). Forgive your opposite sex parent for not having ’saved’ you from your same-sex parent rejection. Allow yourself to abandon projects and people. It doesn’t mean you are abondonning or compromising yourself. Allow others to abandon you as well. Taking care of your needs first doesn’t mean you are abondonning other people. Don’t be mad at others if they don’t drop everything to tend to your needs.
illnesses: bronchia, asthma, myopa (doesn’t want to see far in the future because of fear of not being able to cope alone), migraines, depression, rare or incurable diseases
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