Recently a friend read Heal Your Wounds and Find Your True Self: Finally A Book That Explains Why It’s So Hard Being Yourself also by Lise Bourbeau. She read this in french & gave me a summarized translation. I found it very interesting, I thought you might find it interesting as well. Also by the author is Your Body’s Telling You: Love Yourself!: The most complete book on metaphysical causes of illnesses & diseases by Lise Bourbeau
There are 5 wounds and we suffer from each one of them in varying degrees. Some of the descriptions may fit and others not because of the uniqueness of each one of us.
Hope you get something out of it.
Humiliation
(fat, chubby, wide body, big open innocent childlike face & eyes)
Reaction = masochist
this wound is related to doing, or having.
It arises when mother teaches toilet training/sexuality & when the father teaches about learning skills, listening and speaking.
When the parents ground the child with disgust, the child feels ‘under control’ not free in his/her actions. The adult manipulates the child through shame. Physically, the masochist feels confined, constricted. Feels like he/she needs to uphold family’s dignity…bears the weight of family’s expectations…
When not exagerated, shame is useful in order to adjust to society in order to become part of a group (being polite, or not walking around naked are examples of the usefulness of healthy dose of shame).
Masochists attract situations in which they have to take care of others. They have big strong backs because they take on so much.
Masochists want to take care & help loved ones to avoid humiliating them. In doing so, however, the exact opposite happens: masochists feel that they are being taken advantage of & humiliated and taken for granted. Masochists in doing so much for everyone, believe they need to take up alot of space (that’s why they are overweight).
They do not realize that in doing so, they are actually demeaning and humiliating their loved ones, believing they can do better.
Masochists need recognition of their usefulness from others; that’s why they want to do everything. In believing so, they subconcsioucly think they need to take up alot of space (in order to be seen & noticed).
Once the masochist is convinced that he/she is important and special, he/she won’t need to prove it to others and so will become thinner, naturally.
Masochists often bear their mother’s shame, who when they were children, exerted alot of control over their appearance.
Masochists have problems being in touch with their needs/desires. Since their mom’s often ’sacrificed’ themselves, they did not feel they deserve to even express their needs/desires, to protect their mothers.
Masochists therefore neglect themselves, feeling they have not aquired the ‘right’ or are ‘dignified’ enough to see their wishes granted.
Masochists bend over backwards in order to be liked by everybody. Always checking whether people like him/her, and feels responsible even if it’s not the case.
Masochists often blame themselves for everything, & take on blame for others. When somebody blames masochists (happens often since it’s easy to do), masochists will not know what to say, and so fail to defend themselves. They let themselves be convinced that it’s their fault, and that it’s their job to fix the situation.
As a child, the masochist was grounded/shamed when he/she dared to take care of his/her own needs rather then the family’s needs. Masochists were not allowed to be ‘carefree’ or to play without having shame placed on them. They were ‘used’ by the family to uphold the family’s reputation, image…
Masochists therefore feel like they have to be ‘useful’ to others in order to be loved. This imprisonment triggers a fear of freedom (even if they want freedom). They are so use to holding back their desires, that when he allows to be free, he/she will go all out, doing everything to the extreem (drinking too much,doing too much, working too much, spending too much…), judging to be out of control, masochists will feel ashamed of their excesses. They also fear that these desires will stop them from pleasing other people.
They often become scapegoats because they always feel like taking on other people’s problems to fix or become ‘mediators’ because they always feel the need to intervene in order to be ‘useful’ and thus loved. In their quest to make everybody happy, they meddle with everything & everyone, and accept blame (subconcsiously), so it’s easy for people to scapegoat them.
In taking care of others, masochists believe that they are in control & ensuring their freedom (they don’t want to be out of control).
When masochists are having fun/derive pleasure out of a situation, they feel guilty of having too much fun (when happy, they think they are taking happiness away from others and they feel like gluttons).
Masochists’ lives are ruled with ’shoulds’. They don’t allow themselves to rest and take care of themselves, they would feel lazy (and they feel like disgusting pigs if they did). Masochists often think their parents are ‘pigs’ (fat, dirty, disguting…).
Masochists like nice clothes, but they don’t believe they deserve to dress nicely (especially when they are alone).
Masochists don’t think they deserve to treat themselves nicely.
Masochists hold back in expressing their true desires because they fear:
-hurting others
-that people think they are selfish,
-that others make them feel like garbage,
-that people make them feel like they are worthless and they don’t deserve what they want.
Because of this behavior, they never get any recognition and are therefore attention-starved.
Finally, masochist girls are taught by their masochists moms that anything relating to sex is disguting and they therefore on more ‘bottom-heavy’ to protect their feminity. These women often endure sexual harassement or sexual abuse in childhood and sometimes in adulthood too.
solution (how i see things):
Stop thinking you don’t deserve this or that. When you are happy you are not ‘taking away from people’. Other people don’t necessarily need your help (they need to do things on their own too, to become confident). Learn to relish life without feeling guilty ‘because you’re worth it’ (believe L’Oreal). Instead of focusing on doing things that are ‘useful’, allow yourself to relax and have fun and be more yourself. If you focus on being ‘useful’ , others will take advantage & dump all the work on you and treat you badly. Learn to say no. On the other hand, don’t be scared of asking others since they have the right to say ‘no’ also. Regarding money, you deserve as such abundance as everybody else, it’s not sinful nor is it taking away from others to allow yourself to feel rich or that you deserve to make a lot of money (or asking for alot). That being said, use your common sense when dealing with the economic reality
illnesses:
feeling weight on shoulders (taking on alot of other’s problems), backaches, respiratory problems (being smothered by other people’s problems), leg & feet problems (fear of loosing ability to move), liver problems (worry a lot about others), throat problems (because stops themselves from expressing true desires), itchy skin (itching to do something but won’t allow themselves), hypoglycemia & diabetes (guilt from eating sweeting & nice things because they think they don’t deserve it), heart problems (don’t feel they deserve joy or living life to the fullest), slow metabolism and becoming fat (because feels disgusting when eating, feels like a pig. People who do not feel guilty from eating have a faster metabolism)
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