by 
Auriol Hays
The article was orginally published at: Climbing up the walls
We all have days when we want to crawl into a hole and cry. I don‚Äôt think I ever felt as alone as I did when all the things that made my life work fell away. I couldn‚Äôt write, had no desire to sing and being quiet enough to meditate wasn‚Äôt remotely possible. I didn‚Äôt know how to be… I wanted to cry, forget and disappear completely.
Sometimes I wonder about this being alive and human business. Honestly there are so many things wrong with it all. Sure in the larger metaphysical sense everything is perfect and as it should be… but when you are falling apart it feels like nothing will ever be ‚Äúfine‚Äù again. My best friend once said that what hurt him the most was the thought that he did not matter enough to someone he loved. Some thoughts are just too overwhelming to deal with…
Sure we all know that when those feeling come we should call someone ‚Äì but who really ever does? I am selfish that way…my pain is my own and dammit I won‚Äôt share it with anyone. I share once I understand but during…it‚Äôs me, my cats and Radiohead…
And always it‚Äôs the small things that bring me back. Eavesdropping on a taxi driver‚Äôs dirty jokes …sitting alone in the Gardens eating an apple….watching a crazy kid chase pigeons…. gazing at the colours of a tree as the sun sets. All I try to find is that one moment that will lead to another and another…
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