by 
Auriol Hays
The article was orginally published at: High and Dry
There is nothing worse than living in the past. To always be looking at faded images of yourself and wishing that you could go back. To a body that was as fantastic…an outlook on life that was less cynical …a time that was simpler and made more sense. The irony is that when you were in that time you really didn’t think it was that fantastic. It just was what it was. Maybe that’s something we all have to learn – to create perspective so that we can view the events of our lives objectively. In short Рliving in the now without regret. I love how things sound so easy on paper…
When I first became a mother all I could do was live in the past. As far as I was concerned there was nothing good about where I was currently. My friends were completing their degrees, traveling and out there having a good time while life, it seems, stopped for me. I was 21 then and had no life experience to speak of. Sure I got over it and in time learned to appreciate the value of where I was but that took time. Music and the space given to me by my husband to figure it all out helped. I once wrote a song called Manic Depressive Wife where I stated all the ways I would kill myself! LOL! Music was an outlet and very cathartic because even though I talked a lot I seldom shared …
Maybe it’s just age…I am more relaxed about my flaws and shortcoming. Finally I can say, “Dammit- all…sometimes I am just an idiot who does stupid things!” This makes everything so much easier. I am no longer trying to be right …invested in appearing to be “good” ( because lord knows I am far from it)…and all this makes appreciating where I am so much easier. Now it’s easier to let go of those faded images….of mistakes I made… of people and things that left me high an dry.
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