The Frosted Windows Debate

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Right. Here’s my irk. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

Here we go..

There’s this illusion that we human beings have. It’s about windows. No matter where your bathroom is situated – on the ground floor, around the corner, down the bend, or even sixty storeys up where nobody, barring possible aeroplane travellers or overzealous skydivers could peek in…

the bathroom windows are always frosted.

It’s like, we have this subconscious need to believe that noone can see us “doing our business”, when, in fact, most of the time, you’re sitting down anyway, dudes. Unless someone actually opens the window, and climbs halfway in, they’re really NOT going to see you popping a squat.

And then, to make it even more dumb… have you noticed that just about every bathroom has curtains, or at least a curtain rail waiting for you to hang some little lettie lace curtains on it ?

WHAT THE FUCK FOR? Are you sleeping in there? Is the frosted glass not enough for you people? Do you really think there’s a swarm of peeping toms and johns sixty feet up in the sky just clamouring to have a look-see at your poop-see?

I mean, come the fuck on.

So, here’s the thing…

My house faces onto a road. Large, gorgeous windows that offer us a view of the road, some lovely greenery, our garden and an abundance of morons who think that its a racetrack at 2am. Likewise, people walking past can get a small view of the orange and the red. I’m okay with that. Most of the time, the curtains are closed anyway.

On the other side, our windows open out on to the part of the garden that Cam has proclaimed “her land”. It’s a lovely view, all round, really.

But, and here’s my irk…

Why the bloody hell are my kitchen windows frosted then? They open out on to the garden which is only ever inhabited by me, Cam, my neighour’s son’s cricket ball and approximately six hundred and seventy two hungry mosquitoes.

I mean, think about it. Why the hell would they be frosted? Do people build homes thinking “ooh must frost the kitchen windows, darling…wouldnt want the neighbours sneaking¬† a peek at my secret recipe for bobotie stir fry!”

Or, worse. Are they frosted because alot of people spend alot of time nude in their kitchens? Are people ‘doing their business’ in their kitchens? Is this common? Have I got it all wrong and if so, how do I aim for the sink?

If I were thinking logically, I’d think that bedroom windows should be frosted. I mean, you don’t really want old Jim from up the road spying on you while you’re sleeping right? But, nooo… we’ve got old frosty mcfrosty in the kitchen just in case someone sees us frying up an egg, and frosty mcfrosty in the bathroom, way above our heads, just in case someone tries to see what colour tiles we have.

Think about it. Seriously. What’s the deal with frosted fucking windows? On that note, please, go look at your own kitchen windows.

p.s. an aside. i have just realised i have a lot of issues with bathroom windows. Any sibling of mine will be laughing reading this, and Will is crying with laughter about the night I accidentally inserted a bathroom window into my arm. please note that the above rant is in no way related to my clearly subconscious and possibly-requiring-therapy-for-unexplained-latent-anger issues with bathroom windows.